In the Name of Allah
Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah:
“I gave the pledge of allegiance to Allah's Apostle for to offer prayers perfectly, to pay Zakaat regularly, and to give good advice to every Muslim.”
[Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 10, Number 502]
I am writing to share a few thoughts with you that will InshAllah serve as a reminder. My hope and prayer to the Almighty is that this reminder also constitutes good advice.
The example of the Sahaabas (r.a.)
As we know, the Sahaaba (r.a.) of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), were often away from home, sometimes to preach the message of Islam, and at other times, to defend the Deen through armed struggle. The Sahaaba r.a. were never anxious, worried or concerned about their wives and children during this period of absence. Yes, they had complete faith and trust in Allah swt. At the same time, they were also assured of the fact that even if they were to die in the battlefield, their widows and orphan children would be looked after by their brothers-in-faith, one of whom would marry their widow, provide her protection and companionship and also be a good and loving father to their orphaned children.
One of the major changes since last Ramadaan
Last year in the month of Ramadaan, we had in our midst, some young Muslim brothers, who were our close friends and associates, who are no longer in this world. It is time for us to reflect and wonder whether we shall be alive to benefit from next year’s Ramadaan or not – but this theme is the subject matter of another discussion. Today’s theme for reflection is: have you wondered and cared to know what is the state of the widows and orphan children of our recently deceased brothers and associates?
Is money the only requirement and a “cure-all”?
Mere doling out cash year after year is an easy escape route. While money is important and may Insha’Allah meet the resource requirements of the widows and orphan children, money is no substitute for human love and affection. Every young child who loses his/her father should soon get a loving Islamic father. And every Muslimaah who loses a husband should soon get another loving and caring husband.
Beggars can’t be choosers?!
It is my hope and prayer that after her iddat period, each widow of our deceased brothers should have no less than five offers of marriage from good Islamic suitors, so that she may have choice and also the comfort of choosing the person and family that would suit and interest her and her child the best; one will be the best father for her child., and whose family she would like to associate herself with.
Only one or two offers will mean that our group had no love for our deceased brother and that we treat his family in such a way that they (our deceased brother’s immediate family members) feel that “beggars can’t be choosers”.
The appeal and the test
Each of us needs to think and introspect, as to how we can ensure that after her iddat period, each deceased brother’s widow has no less than five offers of marriage from good Islamic suitors.
These offers do not have to necessarily come from the group that worked so closely with our deceased brother (the Islamic Center’s circuit) … it is this group that needs to generate these offers from those that they network with and/or from amongst themselves. Such practical empathy with the families of the deceased would be the proof of our brotherhood in Islam. It would also be the practical manifestation about what we preach regarding the status of women in Islam: otherwise it would be empty rhetoric.
So now is the test for your dear brothers, O friends of deceased Muslim brothers. Time for you to stand up and be counted.
In case you get weak in the knees and/or develop cold feet, do view Nouman Ali Khan’s eight minute clip on “A Healthy Marriage in Islam” where he reiterates that marriage in Islam is protection for the women.
Also read the arguments against all sorts of excuses in the write-up on “reviving a neglected Sunnah / Mubaah”. It is compassion for the widows and orphans which is the neglected aspect.
I pray that this short reminder will move you to think in the direction of taking practical steps towards addressing the issue I have brought forth, even if it means making a life-changing commitment for you or someone you know. No doubt there would be challenges to face, and I hope the following Hadith will strengthen your resolve:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The (Hell) Fire is surrounded by all kinds of desires and passions, while Paradise is surrounded by all kinds of disliked undesirable things." [Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 494]
This “all-time” appeal is the natural and logical next step and communication after the previous one on “Reviving a neglected Sunnah / Mubaah”. It has to be read and taken in the same spirit.
As for our sisters:
It's one thing to love and pat your widow friend’s orphan child/children; its one thing to call upon your widow friend, meet her, call her ‘sister’, hug her, embrace her, and shed tears along with her while genuinely feeling for her and on seeing and sensing her sorrow, grief, pain, distress and anxiety … and yet another thing to go all out to make sure that your ‘sister’ gets a suitable husband soon and that her widowed children thereby get a loving father. There is no Islaam without Sacrifice and Striving.
And Allah Knows Best
Obaidullah NewJoy
new_joy@hotmail.com
Mumbai, India
Ramadaan - August 21, 2010
August 21, 2010
REVIVING A NEGLECTED SUNNAH / MUBAAH
In the Name of Allah
Assalaamu alaikum.
I may perhaps stir up a hornet’s nest by raking up this issue. I write and present this as a lay person and not as an authority on this issue. I write from my limited knowledge and experiences in Mumbai. Perhaps this issue has parallels and applicability in other parts of India and elsewhere on the globe. I welcome your suggestions, comments and criticism. But please read carefully with patience and an open mind … and read this write-up completely till the end.
The Background
I met a dear friend recently. He has been volunteering for a free marital alliance service for Muslims desirous of getting married. He lamented that the ratio of Muslimaah (Muslim ladies) applicants far outnumbered those of Muslim gent applicants. Moreover, there are several cases of young and also not-so-young Muslimaah spinsters, widows, widows with young kids, and divorcees seeking suitable Muslim gents for Nikaah. But not many Muslim gents seem to be available, or seem to be making themselves available, for a Nikaah commitment.
Which is the neglected Sunnah / Mubaah?
Which raises the issue: if the Prophet (pbuh) and his Sahaabas (r.a.) had practiced polygamy, and when Islam permits limited polygamy, why do Muslim gents in Mumbai (and elsewhere) in today’s times shy away from this noble welfare-oriented practice especially when there exists a genuine welfare-oriented need to provide legitimate and halaal companionship, refuge and support though Nikaah? What are the Muslim gents waiting for? Are they waiting for the Indian Govt. and/or the Indian ‘Supreme’ Court (only Allah swt is Supreme) to scrap this permissibility under the Muslim Personal Law available presently in India? Or do they seek the Wrath of Allah by running away from this responsibility and the undesirable consequences on such women and on the Muslim society by neglecting this responsibility and this noble practice?
What a paradox
The non-Muslim society of today’s time speaks highly of and glamorizes live-in relationships, flings and the playboy image of those men who indulge in extra marital affairs. And on the other hand we have Muslim gents in India who have the religious and legal sanction to marry more than one (upto a maximum of four) but do not wish to shoulder the responsibility.
Orphanages and the plight of orphans
Yateemkhanas (orphanages) are a curse and a blot on Muslims and the Muslim society just because Muslim gents do not marry a widow with Yataamas (orphans). There was no yateemkhanas (orphanages) in Madeenah for there was no need. All widows and orphans were rehabilitated by widow remarriages and Muslim gents practicing polygamy.
The ‘reasons’ and excuses by Muslim gents, and our responses to these (this is followed by a section on ‘excuses’ by Muslim ladies too)
Let’s examine the reasons and excuses cited and that may be cited or thought of by the Muslim Gents who are physically and financially able and who yet run away from this responsibility:
1. “What will people, my relatives, neighbours and colleagues think of me when I marry again and take a second wife? They may ridicule me and make fun of me.”
So now you are ashamed of the way of the Prophet (pbuh). You are more bothered about what people may think and say rather than what Allah swt will feel? You do not want to even think of the Muslim ladies (whether spinsters, widows or divorcees) that need a Muslim husband. How selfish.
2. “My wife forbids me.”
Since when was a human allowed to make haraam what is decreed Halaal by Allah swt? How can your wife be so selfish? Imagine if your sister or daughter is a spinster, a widow or a divorcee and does not find a suitable Muslim bachelor and hence wishes to marry a suitable Muslim gent who is already married. Then if that Muslim gent’s wife does not let him marry your sister or your daughter, you would feel that she is being selfish.
3. “The Islamic stipulation of doing equality and giving equal treatment to both wives is so stringent that I fear I may not be able to do so.”
Yes that’s true. Even Allah swt states in the Qur’an that it will be difficult for you to do justice between them. But that does not mean that in an amicable way a give and take relationship and a spirit of adjustment and flexibility cannot be created. Look at the examples of the wives of the Prophet (pbuh). Would they not sometimes voluntarily give up their nights/rights with the Prophet pbuh in favour of another of his wives? Where there is a will, there is way Insha’Allah; else there are only excuses.
4. “I do not have sufficient resources to be able to afford two houses and two families.”
True and genuine in some cases and not true in most cases. Allah swt is the Sustainer and he provides rizq. If your intention is sincere have your even tried the power of dua? Why can’t you curtail a luxurious and extravagant life style on your present family so that you can afford and have a reasonable and comfortable standard of living with two families?
5. “I am over the hill - over 45 years of age - and not physically strong and active any more.”
Who said marriage is only for satisfying carnal desires and for sexual gratification? There is also the need for companionship and protection. Do consult a doctor for this problem; even your present wife will be delighted after you have undergone treatment. Also it seems that you have not tried the power of dua for this issue.
Don't skirt around the issue by getting into a denial mode. Allah swt is the Provider of Rizq and not you. Think of the widows, spinsters and divorcees from the angle of compassion.
Let me clarify that it is not a Sunnah to marry more than one wife … it is a ‘Mubaah’. The neglected aspect is COMPASSION. The Prophet pbuh was rahmatul-aalameen. And you are not willing to be a source of rahmah to needy widows, orphans, divorcees and spinsters.
The ‘reasons’ & excuses by Muslim Ladies, and our responses to these
1. “I cannot simply share my husband and the mere thought of doing so turns me off and is so repulsive.”
There cannot be Islam without sacrifices and magnanimity. Ever heard of the abundance mindset? Haven’t you read Allah swt state in the Qur’an that you may think and feel that something is bad for you, but Allah Knows Best what is truly good for you. Perhaps your generosity with another Muslimaah (who is a widow with children, or is a divorcee or a spinster without support or presence of her father/brothers) … perhaps this very generosity and act of kindness may so please Allah swt that He Grants you Paradise. Aameen. Moreover, Insha’Allah on earth, you may win an earnest friend and a family of well-wishers who truly care for you.
2. “Why are Muslim ladies not permitted to marry more than one husband?”
Whoa … hold on sisters. Remember I stated at the outset that I am not an authority on this subject and that I write as a lay person. For all such matters, please approach Islamic Scholars. Certainly not my field.
3. “You gents are merely MCPs and get so excited and tickled by the mere thought of polygamy”
Is that so? Just do a random check in Mumbai: how many Muslims have more than one wife at a given point in time. “One is enough, are you crazy” is their usual retort.
4. “Yes, I am a widow/divorcee with children. And yes, I do wish to remarry and do not mind marrying a good Islamic man who is already happily married. But I hesitate for I feel shy and wonder, “What will my children think?”
So now you are ashamed of what the “Mothers of the Believers” (wives of the Prophet pbuh) did? You are more bothered about what people may think and say rather than what Allah swt will feel? Go ahead, sister and marry the Islamic Muslim man of your choice through Nikaah. Your children will get a loving and caring father too Insha’Allah.
So any takers of hidaayah after this? Ignore and do not pay heed at your peril. Our duty is only to convey and warn.
Important: please note:
Do not treat this issue with jest. Do not say that the one who suggests should be the first to implement. That is no way of running away from the issue. You are not to follow the example of the writer of this piece or the example of one who suggests this. You are here to follow the way of the Prophet pbuh. Please revive this neglected practice and earn the Sawaab and Rewards of reviving a Mubaah. Let orphans too get the benefit.
After this call to action: one practical point:
please send in your applications Insha’Allah to my dear friend in Mumbai whom I spoke of at the beginning of this write-up: the brother who volunteers for the free marital alliance service for Muslims desirous of getting married. His comments and sharing led to the thought process and this present write-up. His name is Brother Iqbal Masalawala (yes, that’s right, spicy but no jokes/puns here). His handset number is: +91-9820182816 and his email id is: richdecor@hotmail.com (Yes it is indeed ‘rich décor’ and there is no joke or pun intended here either).
And Allah Knows Best
Obaidullah NewJoy
Mumbai, India
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