Bismillah
Assalaamu alaikum.
Here are some unique but practical tips to help the first timers to prepare for Hajj from now itself i.e. five weeks prior to your departure for Hajj. These tips will Insha’Allah help you during your stay in Makkah and Madeenah and to also help you perform Hajj:
1. Hajj is strenuous and requires physical fitness and stamina. Please make yourself physically fit and build your stamina. Do start taking brisk walks for 30 minutes each day (if you do not do so). This should be brisk walking and not mere idle walking. This will help you ensure that when you perform saheeh and tawaaf, you do not get breathless and do not find it strenuous. Go on a diet: reduce your weight and your appetite: reduce your appetite of all types and for all things.
2. Please take good reliable glares / sunglasses which provide U.V. protection. This is a must and not a beauty or a fashion tip.
3. Please exercise restraint in your eating habits and your diet, not only during your trip in Saudi, but at all times from now on. Eat less so that you do not feel drowsy and are able to concentrate on Ibaadah. You are not going to Makkah and Madeenah to feast or for feasting. Your tour operators may pamper you with a lot of rich, greasy and heavy food with lots of non-veg. thrown in. Be careful and vigilant. Because the last thing that you will want during your days and nights in Makkah and Madeenah is a bad tummy, loose motions and a stomach infection. Medicines are expensive out there. Take some enzyme tablets (Unizyme) and some pre-biotic and pro-biotic capsules (Nutrolin-B plus or Bifilac or Darolac) with you. Also take other medicines with you that you would normally take for a long business trip or a long vacation. For e.g. antacids, paracetamol, ciprofloxacin, flagyll, anti-allergy pills, domstal, otrivin nasal drops, et al.
4. Take tetanus shots before departure.
5. Hunt out and buy perfume-free soaps right now. It’s an ordeal doing a last minute rush job of hunting and packing.
6. Please ... please stay away from emails, the internet, your blackberry, etc. during your stay in Saudi. The least that you can and should do is to refrain from emails and internet and your notebooks/ netbooks three days before the actual days of Hajj and for five days after Hajj: this will help you get immersed in the spirit of ibaadah and you will get soaked in properly. Else, this will be such a distraction that you may not benefit at all from your visit and may return without much positive changes in you.
7. Please take the best sun screen cream along with you. We recommend Ranbaxy’s Suncros Aquagel which has an SPF of 26 (available in India). This too is a must and not a beauty or a fashion tip.
8. Do take Vaseline or Pond’s cold cream or some moisturising creams with you since the climate in Madeenah is very, very dry throughout the year.
9. Some well to do pilgrims take leather-cushioned slip-ons for their feet to wear while performing tawaaf and sahee.
10. For Gents: take a thin white muslin cloth to wear over your bald/freshly shaved head: for a cap will not suffice: during times of Zuhr and Asr Salaah when you step out in the sun, this cloth will protect your neck, forehead, your newly shaved head and your cheeks from the heat and the scorching sun ... as well as from the sun and its reflection from the white marble around you. Drape this thin muslin cloth over your face and head like the Arabs do. You will Insha’Allah thank us for this tip and you will also begin appreciating the head gear of the Arabs which is best for their climate.
11. Practise wearing and moving around in Ihraam now at your residence so that you are comfortable and at ease when Ihraam is to be worn for performing Hajj and Umrah. If you have to wear Ihraam before boarding the flight, please wear a half-sleeve shirt instead of the Ihraam top; and half-an-hour before reaching the Meekaat point, remove your shirt and put on your ihram top and make your niyyat for Umraah/Hajj. This is a very creative idea that helps you be at ease at the airport and also during the flight.
12. For those ladies who have yet not begun adhering to hijaab norms by wearing the abaaya and scarves: you will land up doing so when you reach Saudi. So why not make a firm resolve to begin now itself. It will help you acclimatize yourself to wearing and moving around in hijaab. Moreover make a resolve to continue wearing the hijaab Insha’Allah even after your return from Hajj.
13. Take a few extra pairs of slippers with you and lots of thin plastic bags to carry the pair that you wear for salaah at the haramain (sacred masjids / masaajid / mosques). At times, slippers do get misplaced or mistakenly picked up by others. Having a few extra pairs will be helpful and save you precious time and money in buying new ones locally. Be generous in doling out these slippers if your co-pilgrims lose their pairs.
14. Reinforce your consistent practice of Islam and its teachings like never before: this applies to salaah, duas, astaghfaar as well as good conduct, akhlaq, manners and generosity. Why?
Because you cannot suddenly morph yourself or transform yourself overnight from one level of practise of Islam to a much higher degree merely on landing in Saudi Arabia. So for Allah’s sake, be more Allah-conscious at all times from now on like you have never been before.
This means that at all times you shall say Bismillah before commencing anything; you will say Alhamdulillah more often and when ever required; you will perform all Salaah at their appointed times with Jamaah; and that you will do more of dua’as and astaghfaar. And you will stay away from vain/idle talk, gheebath and all obscene/profane/non-veg. conversations and jokes.
Please watch Yasir Qadhi – How Do You Speak To Your Lord?
http://www.halaltube.com/yasir-qadhi-how-do-you-speak-to-your-lord
Watch Yasir Qadhi – Repentance
http://www.halaltube.com/yasir-qadhi-repentance
The State of Repentance Imam Ibn ul Qayyim al Jawziyyah
http://abdurrahman.org/zikr/stateofrepentance.html
Al-Istighfaar (Seeking Forgiveness) - Majmoo Al Fatawa - by Shaikh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah
http://abdurrahman.org/character/seekingforgiveness.html
15. Start offering Tahajjud prayers more often now so that you develop the practise and spirit and that you “hit the ground running” when you are there.
Watch Khalil Moore – The Importance of and the Secrets to be Found in the Night Prayer
http://www.halaltube.com/qiyam-al-layl-or-tahajjud
16. Please recite the Glorious Qur’an on a daily basis from now on so that by the time you take your flight for Hajj, your fluency in recitation is such that you can easily and accurately recite at least one to two Juzz every day when you are in Saudi. Realize that when you are on a journey for Hajj, you have the entire day and night to yourself away from worldly affairs and distractions and you have so much time on hand. This time has to be invested and spent well in offering salaah, reciting the Glorious Qur’an, reading Tafaseer and Islamic Books.
17. Take your personal copy of the Glorious Qur’an with you because you will be more comfortable with the Arabic font and style of your local copy, than of those that may be accessible to you there.
18. Pick a good authentic book on Salaah – this book should also have the English translation of what all is recited in Salaah. Memorise and internalize the translation. This will help you perform Salaah in the spirit in which it has to be performed: with sincerity, devotion, concentration and understanding. PROPHET MOHAMMAD'S (SAW) MANNER OF PERFORMING PRAYERS: By SHEIKH ABDUL AZIZ IBN ABDULLAH IBN BAZ
http://abdurrahman.org/salah/prayeribnbaaz.html
19. Read Yassir Qadhi’s book and listen to his talks on the “Power of Dua and the Prescribed Manner of Dua”; similarly for the theme and topic of repentance.
Watch Yasir Qadhi – Dua: Weapon of the Believer
http://www.halaltube.com/yasir-qadhi-dua-weapon-of-the-believer
Watch Yasir Qadhi – Dua
http://www.halaltube.com/yasir-qadhi-dua
(Hisn Almuslim) Fortress of the Muslim, Invocations from the Quran and Sunnah
http://www.islamhouse.com/p/39062
Waleed Basyouni – Dua: The Essence of Worship
http://www.halaltube.com/waleed-basyouni-dua-the-essence-of-worship
20. Please read and memorize the contents of Salaatul-Janaazah: for out there in the haramain, after each Farz Salaah of all five times, you will invariably find yourself offering Salaatul-Janaazah in congregation. Do not miss these and their sawaab.
Description of the Funeral Prayer - Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz
http://abdurrahman.org/finaljourney/funeralibnbaaz.html
http://abdurrahman.org/zikr/Hisn_al_Muslim/Death_Funerals.html
21. Please right now read a good authentic book on Hajj and Umrah
http://abdurrahman.org/hajj/hajjuthaimeen.pdf
Rites of Hajj and Umrah from the Book and Sunnah and Narrations from the Pious Predecessors: Manaasik-ul-Hajj wal 'Umrah fil Kitaab wa Sunnah wa Athar as-Salaf - Shaikh Muhammad Naasir-ud-Deen Al-Albaani
http://abdurrahman.org/hajj/riteshajjumrahalbani.html
Innovations of Hajj, 'Umrah and Visiting Madinah By Shaikh Muhammad Naasir-ud-Deen Al-Albaani
http://abdurrahman.org/hajj/innovationshajj.html
22. Do not purchase dates and ittar from there. You get the same or better quality in Mumbai at much better rates: remember that we are now in a global village. The rentals and labour costs in India are far less and cheaper than those near the haramain especially during season time and hence it’s cheaper to purchase here locally in Mumbai. And why do you wish to spend time out there hunting the best quality and best deals on dates and ittar? Better spend time there for the purpose that you have gone there.
23. Yes, what you should purchase out there are the vacuum-packed miswaak of natural flavour as well as mint, menthol and lime flavours. Take these from Madeenah near or outside the Prophet’s Mosque. The best brand is “Sewak Al-Falaah” of Al-Falah Impex. These are imported by Saudi from Pakistan. For some unknown reasons these popular vacuum packed miswaak have yet not hit the local stores in India.
24. And get with you on your return journey lots of ZamZam water which is not available or sourced anywhere else in the world!
25. While in Madeenah, do purchase DVDs/CDs of recitation of the Glorious Qur’an by several reputed Shaikhs and Imaams. These are available for ten Saudi Riyals each from the shop of “Charitable Society of Memorising Noble Qur’an Madeenah Munawwara Region”. This stand-alone circular shop is at the Makkah end of the Prophet’s Mosque in Madeenah, facing the Baqee. In the meantime, right now visit:
http://www.haramainrecordings.com/
26. When in Saudi, do purchase and try the Almarai Milk, Cheese, Laban and the Almarai Bottled Camel Milk.
27. Most Importantly: Hajj requires emotional maturity and emotional strength and stamina: you will observe and realize that Allah swt will test you at every moment during your hajj: you will need to be very, very patient, tolerant and magnanimous/generous with everything big and small. Long queues, huge/massive crowds, long waiting periods and stretches, needy pilgrims, elderly pilgrims, and much, much more. It has been a fallacy and misguidance on the part of the community in this part of the subcontinent to perform Hajj at the end of one's age (whatever that means, as if they can predict that they will die at a ripe age): you can perform Hajj at an old age with great difficulty and without much concentration on ibaadah: the spirit of Hajj should rejuvenate one so that the rest of one's life one spends as a true Muslim.
May Allah Bless your journey and Help you complete Hajj in its true spirit and sense and may He accept your Hajj. Aameen.
Thanks and JazakAllahu Khairan to the QSEP team (http://www.qsep.com) for providing many of the links of books / reading material that have been mentioned in this write-up.
Obaidullah NewJoy
new_joy@hotmail.com
(No Copyrights)
October 07, 2010
Other Useful and Relevant Reading and Reference Matter:
http://www.haramainrecordings.com/
How to Acquire Good Manners - Shaikh Muhammad bin Saalih Al-‘Uthaimeen
http://abdurrahman.org/character/HowtoAcquire.html
Obstacles that Prevent One from Making Repentance - By Shaikh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah
http://abdurrahman.org/scholars/IbnTaimiyyah.html
Questions and Answers on the Sutrah - Shaikh Ibn Uthaymeen
http://abdurrahman.org/salah/qasutrah.html
The Prostration of Forgetfulness - Shaikh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Uthaimeen
http://abdurrahman.org/salah/prostartionofforgetfullness.pdf
The Abridgement of the Prophet's (saws) Prayer Decsribed - Al-Albanee
http://abdurrahman.org/salah/prophetswayofprayer.pdf
http://abdurrahman.org/salah/prophetsPrayerAlbaani/index.htm
"Ibn Taymiyyah Expounds on Islam" - A book of various fataawaa on Islamic faith, life and society.
http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/ibn_taymiyyah_expounds_on_islam.pdf
The Islamic Awakening - ibn Uthaymeen
http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/The%20Islamic%20Awakening.pdf
August 21, 2010
Reviving Widow Re-Marriage amongst Muslims
In the Name of Allah
Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah:
“I gave the pledge of allegiance to Allah's Apostle for to offer prayers perfectly, to pay Zakaat regularly, and to give good advice to every Muslim.”
[Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 10, Number 502]
I am writing to share a few thoughts with you that will InshAllah serve as a reminder. My hope and prayer to the Almighty is that this reminder also constitutes good advice.
The example of the Sahaabas (r.a.)
As we know, the Sahaaba (r.a.) of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), were often away from home, sometimes to preach the message of Islam, and at other times, to defend the Deen through armed struggle. The Sahaaba r.a. were never anxious, worried or concerned about their wives and children during this period of absence. Yes, they had complete faith and trust in Allah swt. At the same time, they were also assured of the fact that even if they were to die in the battlefield, their widows and orphan children would be looked after by their brothers-in-faith, one of whom would marry their widow, provide her protection and companionship and also be a good and loving father to their orphaned children.
One of the major changes since last Ramadaan
Last year in the month of Ramadaan, we had in our midst, some young Muslim brothers, who were our close friends and associates, who are no longer in this world. It is time for us to reflect and wonder whether we shall be alive to benefit from next year’s Ramadaan or not – but this theme is the subject matter of another discussion. Today’s theme for reflection is: have you wondered and cared to know what is the state of the widows and orphan children of our recently deceased brothers and associates?
Is money the only requirement and a “cure-all”?
Mere doling out cash year after year is an easy escape route. While money is important and may Insha’Allah meet the resource requirements of the widows and orphan children, money is no substitute for human love and affection. Every young child who loses his/her father should soon get a loving Islamic father. And every Muslimaah who loses a husband should soon get another loving and caring husband.
Beggars can’t be choosers?!
It is my hope and prayer that after her iddat period, each widow of our deceased brothers should have no less than five offers of marriage from good Islamic suitors, so that she may have choice and also the comfort of choosing the person and family that would suit and interest her and her child the best; one will be the best father for her child., and whose family she would like to associate herself with.
Only one or two offers will mean that our group had no love for our deceased brother and that we treat his family in such a way that they (our deceased brother’s immediate family members) feel that “beggars can’t be choosers”.
The appeal and the test
Each of us needs to think and introspect, as to how we can ensure that after her iddat period, each deceased brother’s widow has no less than five offers of marriage from good Islamic suitors.
These offers do not have to necessarily come from the group that worked so closely with our deceased brother (the Islamic Center’s circuit) … it is this group that needs to generate these offers from those that they network with and/or from amongst themselves. Such practical empathy with the families of the deceased would be the proof of our brotherhood in Islam. It would also be the practical manifestation about what we preach regarding the status of women in Islam: otherwise it would be empty rhetoric.
So now is the test for your dear brothers, O friends of deceased Muslim brothers. Time for you to stand up and be counted.
In case you get weak in the knees and/or develop cold feet, do view Nouman Ali Khan’s eight minute clip on “A Healthy Marriage in Islam” where he reiterates that marriage in Islam is protection for the women.
Also read the arguments against all sorts of excuses in the write-up on “reviving a neglected Sunnah / Mubaah”. It is compassion for the widows and orphans which is the neglected aspect.
I pray that this short reminder will move you to think in the direction of taking practical steps towards addressing the issue I have brought forth, even if it means making a life-changing commitment for you or someone you know. No doubt there would be challenges to face, and I hope the following Hadith will strengthen your resolve:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The (Hell) Fire is surrounded by all kinds of desires and passions, while Paradise is surrounded by all kinds of disliked undesirable things." [Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 494]
This “all-time” appeal is the natural and logical next step and communication after the previous one on “Reviving a neglected Sunnah / Mubaah”. It has to be read and taken in the same spirit.
As for our sisters:
It's one thing to love and pat your widow friend’s orphan child/children; its one thing to call upon your widow friend, meet her, call her ‘sister’, hug her, embrace her, and shed tears along with her while genuinely feeling for her and on seeing and sensing her sorrow, grief, pain, distress and anxiety … and yet another thing to go all out to make sure that your ‘sister’ gets a suitable husband soon and that her widowed children thereby get a loving father. There is no Islaam without Sacrifice and Striving.
And Allah Knows Best
Obaidullah NewJoy
new_joy@hotmail.com
Mumbai, India
Ramadaan - August 21, 2010
Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah:
“I gave the pledge of allegiance to Allah's Apostle for to offer prayers perfectly, to pay Zakaat regularly, and to give good advice to every Muslim.”
[Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 10, Number 502]
I am writing to share a few thoughts with you that will InshAllah serve as a reminder. My hope and prayer to the Almighty is that this reminder also constitutes good advice.
The example of the Sahaabas (r.a.)
As we know, the Sahaaba (r.a.) of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), were often away from home, sometimes to preach the message of Islam, and at other times, to defend the Deen through armed struggle. The Sahaaba r.a. were never anxious, worried or concerned about their wives and children during this period of absence. Yes, they had complete faith and trust in Allah swt. At the same time, they were also assured of the fact that even if they were to die in the battlefield, their widows and orphan children would be looked after by their brothers-in-faith, one of whom would marry their widow, provide her protection and companionship and also be a good and loving father to their orphaned children.
One of the major changes since last Ramadaan
Last year in the month of Ramadaan, we had in our midst, some young Muslim brothers, who were our close friends and associates, who are no longer in this world. It is time for us to reflect and wonder whether we shall be alive to benefit from next year’s Ramadaan or not – but this theme is the subject matter of another discussion. Today’s theme for reflection is: have you wondered and cared to know what is the state of the widows and orphan children of our recently deceased brothers and associates?
Is money the only requirement and a “cure-all”?
Mere doling out cash year after year is an easy escape route. While money is important and may Insha’Allah meet the resource requirements of the widows and orphan children, money is no substitute for human love and affection. Every young child who loses his/her father should soon get a loving Islamic father. And every Muslimaah who loses a husband should soon get another loving and caring husband.
Beggars can’t be choosers?!
It is my hope and prayer that after her iddat period, each widow of our deceased brothers should have no less than five offers of marriage from good Islamic suitors, so that she may have choice and also the comfort of choosing the person and family that would suit and interest her and her child the best; one will be the best father for her child., and whose family she would like to associate herself with.
Only one or two offers will mean that our group had no love for our deceased brother and that we treat his family in such a way that they (our deceased brother’s immediate family members) feel that “beggars can’t be choosers”.
The appeal and the test
Each of us needs to think and introspect, as to how we can ensure that after her iddat period, each deceased brother’s widow has no less than five offers of marriage from good Islamic suitors.
These offers do not have to necessarily come from the group that worked so closely with our deceased brother (the Islamic Center’s circuit) … it is this group that needs to generate these offers from those that they network with and/or from amongst themselves. Such practical empathy with the families of the deceased would be the proof of our brotherhood in Islam. It would also be the practical manifestation about what we preach regarding the status of women in Islam: otherwise it would be empty rhetoric.
So now is the test for your dear brothers, O friends of deceased Muslim brothers. Time for you to stand up and be counted.
In case you get weak in the knees and/or develop cold feet, do view Nouman Ali Khan’s eight minute clip on “A Healthy Marriage in Islam” where he reiterates that marriage in Islam is protection for the women.
Also read the arguments against all sorts of excuses in the write-up on “reviving a neglected Sunnah / Mubaah”. It is compassion for the widows and orphans which is the neglected aspect.
I pray that this short reminder will move you to think in the direction of taking practical steps towards addressing the issue I have brought forth, even if it means making a life-changing commitment for you or someone you know. No doubt there would be challenges to face, and I hope the following Hadith will strengthen your resolve:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The (Hell) Fire is surrounded by all kinds of desires and passions, while Paradise is surrounded by all kinds of disliked undesirable things." [Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 494]
This “all-time” appeal is the natural and logical next step and communication after the previous one on “Reviving a neglected Sunnah / Mubaah”. It has to be read and taken in the same spirit.
As for our sisters:
It's one thing to love and pat your widow friend’s orphan child/children; its one thing to call upon your widow friend, meet her, call her ‘sister’, hug her, embrace her, and shed tears along with her while genuinely feeling for her and on seeing and sensing her sorrow, grief, pain, distress and anxiety … and yet another thing to go all out to make sure that your ‘sister’ gets a suitable husband soon and that her widowed children thereby get a loving father. There is no Islaam without Sacrifice and Striving.
And Allah Knows Best
Obaidullah NewJoy
new_joy@hotmail.com
Mumbai, India
Ramadaan - August 21, 2010
REVIVING A NEGLECTED SUNNAH / MUBAAH
In the Name of Allah
Assalaamu alaikum.
I may perhaps stir up a hornet’s nest by raking up this issue. I write and present this as a lay person and not as an authority on this issue. I write from my limited knowledge and experiences in Mumbai. Perhaps this issue has parallels and applicability in other parts of India and elsewhere on the globe. I welcome your suggestions, comments and criticism. But please read carefully with patience and an open mind … and read this write-up completely till the end.
The Background
I met a dear friend recently. He has been volunteering for a free marital alliance service for Muslims desirous of getting married. He lamented that the ratio of Muslimaah (Muslim ladies) applicants far outnumbered those of Muslim gent applicants. Moreover, there are several cases of young and also not-so-young Muslimaah spinsters, widows, widows with young kids, and divorcees seeking suitable Muslim gents for Nikaah. But not many Muslim gents seem to be available, or seem to be making themselves available, for a Nikaah commitment.
Which is the neglected Sunnah / Mubaah?
Which raises the issue: if the Prophet (pbuh) and his Sahaabas (r.a.) had practiced polygamy, and when Islam permits limited polygamy, why do Muslim gents in Mumbai (and elsewhere) in today’s times shy away from this noble welfare-oriented practice especially when there exists a genuine welfare-oriented need to provide legitimate and halaal companionship, refuge and support though Nikaah? What are the Muslim gents waiting for? Are they waiting for the Indian Govt. and/or the Indian ‘Supreme’ Court (only Allah swt is Supreme) to scrap this permissibility under the Muslim Personal Law available presently in India? Or do they seek the Wrath of Allah by running away from this responsibility and the undesirable consequences on such women and on the Muslim society by neglecting this responsibility and this noble practice?
What a paradox
The non-Muslim society of today’s time speaks highly of and glamorizes live-in relationships, flings and the playboy image of those men who indulge in extra marital affairs. And on the other hand we have Muslim gents in India who have the religious and legal sanction to marry more than one (upto a maximum of four) but do not wish to shoulder the responsibility.
Orphanages and the plight of orphans
Yateemkhanas (orphanages) are a curse and a blot on Muslims and the Muslim society just because Muslim gents do not marry a widow with Yataamas (orphans). There was no yateemkhanas (orphanages) in Madeenah for there was no need. All widows and orphans were rehabilitated by widow remarriages and Muslim gents practicing polygamy.
The ‘reasons’ and excuses by Muslim gents, and our responses to these (this is followed by a section on ‘excuses’ by Muslim ladies too)
Let’s examine the reasons and excuses cited and that may be cited or thought of by the Muslim Gents who are physically and financially able and who yet run away from this responsibility:
1. “What will people, my relatives, neighbours and colleagues think of me when I marry again and take a second wife? They may ridicule me and make fun of me.”
So now you are ashamed of the way of the Prophet (pbuh). You are more bothered about what people may think and say rather than what Allah swt will feel? You do not want to even think of the Muslim ladies (whether spinsters, widows or divorcees) that need a Muslim husband. How selfish.
2. “My wife forbids me.”
Since when was a human allowed to make haraam what is decreed Halaal by Allah swt? How can your wife be so selfish? Imagine if your sister or daughter is a spinster, a widow or a divorcee and does not find a suitable Muslim bachelor and hence wishes to marry a suitable Muslim gent who is already married. Then if that Muslim gent’s wife does not let him marry your sister or your daughter, you would feel that she is being selfish.
3. “The Islamic stipulation of doing equality and giving equal treatment to both wives is so stringent that I fear I may not be able to do so.”
Yes that’s true. Even Allah swt states in the Qur’an that it will be difficult for you to do justice between them. But that does not mean that in an amicable way a give and take relationship and a spirit of adjustment and flexibility cannot be created. Look at the examples of the wives of the Prophet (pbuh). Would they not sometimes voluntarily give up their nights/rights with the Prophet pbuh in favour of another of his wives? Where there is a will, there is way Insha’Allah; else there are only excuses.
4. “I do not have sufficient resources to be able to afford two houses and two families.”
True and genuine in some cases and not true in most cases. Allah swt is the Sustainer and he provides rizq. If your intention is sincere have your even tried the power of dua? Why can’t you curtail a luxurious and extravagant life style on your present family so that you can afford and have a reasonable and comfortable standard of living with two families?
5. “I am over the hill - over 45 years of age - and not physically strong and active any more.”
Who said marriage is only for satisfying carnal desires and for sexual gratification? There is also the need for companionship and protection. Do consult a doctor for this problem; even your present wife will be delighted after you have undergone treatment. Also it seems that you have not tried the power of dua for this issue.
Don't skirt around the issue by getting into a denial mode. Allah swt is the Provider of Rizq and not you. Think of the widows, spinsters and divorcees from the angle of compassion.
Let me clarify that it is not a Sunnah to marry more than one wife … it is a ‘Mubaah’. The neglected aspect is COMPASSION. The Prophet pbuh was rahmatul-aalameen. And you are not willing to be a source of rahmah to needy widows, orphans, divorcees and spinsters.
The ‘reasons’ & excuses by Muslim Ladies, and our responses to these
1. “I cannot simply share my husband and the mere thought of doing so turns me off and is so repulsive.”
There cannot be Islam without sacrifices and magnanimity. Ever heard of the abundance mindset? Haven’t you read Allah swt state in the Qur’an that you may think and feel that something is bad for you, but Allah Knows Best what is truly good for you. Perhaps your generosity with another Muslimaah (who is a widow with children, or is a divorcee or a spinster without support or presence of her father/brothers) … perhaps this very generosity and act of kindness may so please Allah swt that He Grants you Paradise. Aameen. Moreover, Insha’Allah on earth, you may win an earnest friend and a family of well-wishers who truly care for you.
2. “Why are Muslim ladies not permitted to marry more than one husband?”
Whoa … hold on sisters. Remember I stated at the outset that I am not an authority on this subject and that I write as a lay person. For all such matters, please approach Islamic Scholars. Certainly not my field.
3. “You gents are merely MCPs and get so excited and tickled by the mere thought of polygamy”
Is that so? Just do a random check in Mumbai: how many Muslims have more than one wife at a given point in time. “One is enough, are you crazy” is their usual retort.
4. “Yes, I am a widow/divorcee with children. And yes, I do wish to remarry and do not mind marrying a good Islamic man who is already happily married. But I hesitate for I feel shy and wonder, “What will my children think?”
So now you are ashamed of what the “Mothers of the Believers” (wives of the Prophet pbuh) did? You are more bothered about what people may think and say rather than what Allah swt will feel? Go ahead, sister and marry the Islamic Muslim man of your choice through Nikaah. Your children will get a loving and caring father too Insha’Allah.
So any takers of hidaayah after this? Ignore and do not pay heed at your peril. Our duty is only to convey and warn.
Important: please note:
Do not treat this issue with jest. Do not say that the one who suggests should be the first to implement. That is no way of running away from the issue. You are not to follow the example of the writer of this piece or the example of one who suggests this. You are here to follow the way of the Prophet pbuh. Please revive this neglected practice and earn the Sawaab and Rewards of reviving a Mubaah. Let orphans too get the benefit.
After this call to action: one practical point:
please send in your applications Insha’Allah to my dear friend in Mumbai whom I spoke of at the beginning of this write-up: the brother who volunteers for the free marital alliance service for Muslims desirous of getting married. His comments and sharing led to the thought process and this present write-up. His name is Brother Iqbal Masalawala (yes, that’s right, spicy but no jokes/puns here). His handset number is: +91-9820182816 and his email id is: richdecor@hotmail.com (Yes it is indeed ‘rich décor’ and there is no joke or pun intended here either).
And Allah Knows Best
Obaidullah NewJoy
Mumbai, India
September 27, 2009
To what extent do "Reason, Logic and Science" work?
Reason, Logic and Science may captivate minds, but will not necessarily capture hearts.
Da’wah in a major way is also about winning hearts. Why? Because we humans are emotional beings: full of feelings. More often than not, we respond on the basis of our feelings and not on the basis of rationale and logical thinking. So ….. ?
“People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” (John Maxwell)
You may know lots and lots, but do you truly care for the people around you? Else, people do not care how much you know. Period.
“Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.” (John Maxwell)
Do you truly relate to the people whom you impact? Do they feel motivated in your presence?
It will be useful if you could replace Maxwell’s quotations with appropriate quotations from the Glorious Qur’an and Saheeh Hadith.
A dear friend thus adds:
There is wonderful incident in the life of the prophet about the quality of a leader known as ''Ku-e-dil nawasi'' which means taking care of people to an extent where the leader carries and takes care of the hearts of his followers in his hands.
Allama Iqbal states about this quality, "Koi karava se chuta, koi bad guman haram se, ke ameer-e-karawa mein nahi kuva-e-dil nawasi".
Below is a summary of an incident in the life of Prophet Mohammed (saw) which throws light on this quality. There are several others examples also that establish that Prophet Muhammed (saw) was the pinnacle of this quality (caring for people):
Abdullah ibn Abdullah ibn ubay (RA) came to the prophet (pubh) while he was with Hazrat Umar (RA) and asked Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) "please give me your kurta so that I can use it as a kafan (shroud) for my father". Abdullah Ibn Ubay was the leader of the munafiqoon of Madeenah.
The prophet gave his kurta. Seeing this Hazrat Umar got angry and said "why did you give your kurta to be used as a kafan for a munafiq?" The prophet replied "didn't you see, who asked for it?" (Abdullah ibn Abdullah, who was a close companion, had requested it). The prophet added, "Moreover my kurta cannot protect him (Abdullah Ibn Ubay) from the fire of of jahannam".
Not only did the prophet gave his kurta for his shroud but also led his salaat-e-janaza.
Reason, logic and science have their role but this should be coupled with good aqhlaaq (i.e. good behavior, good nature, good dealings, good character and good attitude) in order to have a lasting impact. In another hadith it is stated: "Inna ma boisto le makarim al aqhlaq". i.e. "The only reason, I have been sent is to establish the best of character traits".
There are different types of people in the world and a Daee has to use his judgement to use the best approach according to their natures and at all times in his personal dealings he has to work on improving his Aqhlaaq and keep the caring factor in mind.
Ayaah 125 of surah 16 clearly instructs us about this and gives us the methodology for doing dawah: "Invite all to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful aqhlaaq and argue with them in ways that are most beautiful".
AND ALLAH swt KNOWS BEST.
Some quotations shared by a brother:
"When the people of heaven ask the people of hell why God has put you in hell they will reply we didn’t perform prayers on time and did not feed to the poor and the needy" al-Qur’an
"Believers are the ones who respond to anything bad with good" al-Qur’an
"Those who don’t have mercy on others, God will not be merciful towards them" Hadith
"Have mercy on others - God will have mercy on you" Hadith
"A Muslim cannot be a good Muslim until he is first a good human being" Hadith
"You cannot be a Muslim until you don’t like and wish the same thing for your brother which you like and wish for yourself" Hadith
"Treat others the same way way as you want yourself to be treated" Hadith
"O Prophet (pbuh): you are merciful and courteous with your companions. If you would be harsh on them they would have ran away from you" al-Qur’an
"Whoever met Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) felt that he is the closest to the Prophet (pbuh)" Hadith
Da’wah in a major way is also about winning hearts. Why? Because we humans are emotional beings: full of feelings. More often than not, we respond on the basis of our feelings and not on the basis of rationale and logical thinking. So ….. ?
“People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” (John Maxwell)
You may know lots and lots, but do you truly care for the people around you? Else, people do not care how much you know. Period.
“Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.” (John Maxwell)
Do you truly relate to the people whom you impact? Do they feel motivated in your presence?
It will be useful if you could replace Maxwell’s quotations with appropriate quotations from the Glorious Qur’an and Saheeh Hadith.
A dear friend thus adds:
There is wonderful incident in the life of the prophet about the quality of a leader known as ''Ku-e-dil nawasi'' which means taking care of people to an extent where the leader carries and takes care of the hearts of his followers in his hands.
Allama Iqbal states about this quality, "Koi karava se chuta, koi bad guman haram se, ke ameer-e-karawa mein nahi kuva-e-dil nawasi".
Below is a summary of an incident in the life of Prophet Mohammed (saw) which throws light on this quality. There are several others examples also that establish that Prophet Muhammed (saw) was the pinnacle of this quality (caring for people):
Abdullah ibn Abdullah ibn ubay (RA) came to the prophet (pubh) while he was with Hazrat Umar (RA) and asked Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) "please give me your kurta so that I can use it as a kafan (shroud) for my father". Abdullah Ibn Ubay was the leader of the munafiqoon of Madeenah.
The prophet gave his kurta. Seeing this Hazrat Umar got angry and said "why did you give your kurta to be used as a kafan for a munafiq?" The prophet replied "didn't you see, who asked for it?" (Abdullah ibn Abdullah, who was a close companion, had requested it). The prophet added, "Moreover my kurta cannot protect him (Abdullah Ibn Ubay) from the fire of of jahannam".
Not only did the prophet gave his kurta for his shroud but also led his salaat-e-janaza.
Reason, logic and science have their role but this should be coupled with good aqhlaaq (i.e. good behavior, good nature, good dealings, good character and good attitude) in order to have a lasting impact. In another hadith it is stated: "Inna ma boisto le makarim al aqhlaq". i.e. "The only reason, I have been sent is to establish the best of character traits".
There are different types of people in the world and a Daee has to use his judgement to use the best approach according to their natures and at all times in his personal dealings he has to work on improving his Aqhlaaq and keep the caring factor in mind.
Ayaah 125 of surah 16 clearly instructs us about this and gives us the methodology for doing dawah: "Invite all to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful aqhlaaq and argue with them in ways that are most beautiful".
AND ALLAH swt KNOWS BEST.
Some quotations shared by a brother:
"When the people of heaven ask the people of hell why God has put you in hell they will reply we didn’t perform prayers on time and did not feed to the poor and the needy" al-Qur’an
"Believers are the ones who respond to anything bad with good" al-Qur’an
"Those who don’t have mercy on others, God will not be merciful towards them" Hadith
"Have mercy on others - God will have mercy on you" Hadith
"A Muslim cannot be a good Muslim until he is first a good human being" Hadith
"You cannot be a Muslim until you don’t like and wish the same thing for your brother which you like and wish for yourself" Hadith
"Treat others the same way way as you want yourself to be treated" Hadith
"O Prophet (pbuh): you are merciful and courteous with your companions. If you would be harsh on them they would have ran away from you" al-Qur’an
"Whoever met Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) felt that he is the closest to the Prophet (pbuh)" Hadith
re-written: the first law of thermodynamics
The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. This is blasphemous.
Hence the first law of thermodynamics as revised states that "energy can neither be created nor destroyed except by the one and only Almighty Creator of all that exists besides Him".
..............
Hence the first law of thermodynamics as revised states that "energy can neither be created nor destroyed except by the one and only Almighty Creator of all that exists besides Him".
..............
August 16, 2009
India's march into the 21st century
How is India's march into the 21st century?
Many ways of exploring this issue. Some of these are (and I shall add on as time goes by and 'not-so-momentous' events occur in India):
(1) Pure Cow-Ka Cola
Can you manage waste? Get a charge out of what desi cows can’t digest
http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?261173
...
Many ways of exploring this issue. Some of these are (and I shall add on as time goes by and 'not-so-momentous' events occur in India):
(1) Pure Cow-Ka Cola
Can you manage waste? Get a charge out of what desi cows can’t digest
http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?261173
...
October 17, 2008
What a performance at the Jurong Bird Park!!!
On August 15, 2006 at 11:00 a.m. at the Jurong Bird Park, Singapore, Ms Eileen Gan, who presented the bird show was a perfect 10 on 10.
Never has one seen so much of passion and enthusiasm, which was so contagious that audience members from diverse nations and diverse age groups were so enthralled by her performance. Her smiling face, pleasant facial expressions and high energy levels were the hallmarks of a spectacular show.
This lady's voice modulation, facial expressions, body language and gestures and her excellent coordination of team spirit with her colleagues and the performing birds were as good as the best performing and award winning public speakers and presentations in the world. It is so true that
there is no fun in being an "also ran". We have to be the best in whatever we do.
It is no wonder that tourists from all over the world flock to Singapore.
I wish I could get a video-recording of her performance. Video-recording is permitted at the Jurong Bird Park, but unfortunately I did not have my handycam with me.
...
Never has one seen so much of passion and enthusiasm, which was so contagious that audience members from diverse nations and diverse age groups were so enthralled by her performance. Her smiling face, pleasant facial expressions and high energy levels were the hallmarks of a spectacular show.
This lady's voice modulation, facial expressions, body language and gestures and her excellent coordination of team spirit with her colleagues and the performing birds were as good as the best performing and award winning public speakers and presentations in the world. It is so true that
there is no fun in being an "also ran". We have to be the best in whatever we do.
It is no wonder that tourists from all over the world flock to Singapore.
I wish I could get a video-recording of her performance. Video-recording is permitted at the Jurong Bird Park, but unfortunately I did not have my handycam with me.
...
The Muslim Converts' Association of Singapore
The Muslim Converts' Association of Singapore
(A 'must-visit' place in Singapore)
The office and complex of the Muslim Converts' Association of Singapore, "Darul Arqam" is located right smack in the Malay Muslim heartland. It is directly opposite the Malay Village, a popular tourist spot showcasing the "kampong" or village lifestyle in the yesteryears of Singapore.
Darul Arqam is also just a stone's throw away from Geylang market, popular amongst the Muslim folks for its wet market, food and daily sundries.
Muslim Converts' Association of Singapore
32 Onan Road
The Galaxy
Singapore- 424484
Tel: 0065-63488344 Fax: 440 6724
http://www.cimss.com.sg/main.htm
www.darul-arqam.org.sg
. . .
(A 'must-visit' place in Singapore)
The office and complex of the Muslim Converts' Association of Singapore, "Darul Arqam" is located right smack in the Malay Muslim heartland. It is directly opposite the Malay Village, a popular tourist spot showcasing the "kampong" or village lifestyle in the yesteryears of Singapore.
Darul Arqam is also just a stone's throw away from Geylang market, popular amongst the Muslim folks for its wet market, food and daily sundries.
Muslim Converts' Association of Singapore
32 Onan Road
The Galaxy
Singapore- 424484
Tel: 0065-63488344 Fax: 440 6724
http://www.cimss.com.sg/main.htm
www.darul-arqam.org.sg
. . .
Brighten Your Corner
Brighten Your Corner
Author Unknown
We cannot all be famous or be listed in "Who's Who",
But every person, great or small, has important work to do.
For seldom do we realize the importance of small deeds,
Or to what degree of greatness unnoticed kindness leads.
For it's not the big celebrity in a world of fame and praise,
But it's doing unpretentiously in an undistinguished way.
The work that God assigned to us, unimportant as it seems,
That makes our task outstanding, and brings reality to dreams.
So do not sit and idly wish for wider, new dimensions
where you can put into practice, your many good intentions.
But at the spot God placed you begin at once to do,
Little things to brighten up the lives surrounding you.
If everybody brightened up the spot where their standing,
By being more considerate, and a little less demanding.
This dark old world would very soon eclipse the evening star,
If everybody brightened up the corner where they are!
. . .
Author Unknown
We cannot all be famous or be listed in "Who's Who",
But every person, great or small, has important work to do.
For seldom do we realize the importance of small deeds,
Or to what degree of greatness unnoticed kindness leads.
For it's not the big celebrity in a world of fame and praise,
But it's doing unpretentiously in an undistinguished way.
The work that God assigned to us, unimportant as it seems,
That makes our task outstanding, and brings reality to dreams.
So do not sit and idly wish for wider, new dimensions
where you can put into practice, your many good intentions.
But at the spot God placed you begin at once to do,
Little things to brighten up the lives surrounding you.
If everybody brightened up the spot where their standing,
By being more considerate, and a little less demanding.
This dark old world would very soon eclipse the evening star,
If everybody brightened up the corner where they are!
. . .
what does Eid mean?
Salaams (peace).
Well as in all matters related to Islam, Eid and Eid greetings too feature the unique characteristic of Islam: pure, distilled & uncompromising monotheism. "Worship the Creator and do not worship His Creation or His Creatures".
The Eid greeting for Eid-ul-Fitr is:
"Allaahu akbar. Taqabbalallaahu minna wa minkum".
Translated: "Allah is Supreme. May Allah accept (our prayers, fasts & charity) from us and from you".
Allah is the name of the sole, unique, uncreated Creator. 'Allah' in Arabic means "The God"; al-ilaah.
He is the only entity & deity worthy of submission, loyalty, obedience, devotion and worship.
He has no parents, nor does He have any progeny. He begets not, nor is He begotten.
He is free from all needs and desires.
He does not need food, sleep, rest, recreation, entertainment, mates, sex...
He does not need anyone's help.
He is Most Benevolent, Most Merciful, Loving and Just.
He is the Creator of all that exist besides Him. And besides Him, there is no other god or goddess. Period.
Neither does the Roman empire/civilization nor the Greek empire/civilization nor their pantheon of several gods and goddesses exist today. Visible lessons.
For more information on Eid and eid greetings, please visit:
http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/pillars/prayer/prescribed/pp2_32.html
Here is a surprise item: lots of folks are unaware of the concept of worship in Islam. Here it is (concise):
http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/tawheed/conceptofworship.html
Wassalaam (peace). And ….
Allaahu akbar. Taqabbalallaahu minna wa minkum - to all of you.
. . . .
Well as in all matters related to Islam, Eid and Eid greetings too feature the unique characteristic of Islam: pure, distilled & uncompromising monotheism. "Worship the Creator and do not worship His Creation or His Creatures".
The Eid greeting for Eid-ul-Fitr is:
"Allaahu akbar. Taqabbalallaahu minna wa minkum".
Translated: "Allah is Supreme. May Allah accept (our prayers, fasts & charity) from us and from you".
Allah is the name of the sole, unique, uncreated Creator. 'Allah' in Arabic means "The God"; al-ilaah.
He is the only entity & deity worthy of submission, loyalty, obedience, devotion and worship.
He has no parents, nor does He have any progeny. He begets not, nor is He begotten.
He is free from all needs and desires.
He does not need food, sleep, rest, recreation, entertainment, mates, sex...
He does not need anyone's help.
He is Most Benevolent, Most Merciful, Loving and Just.
He is the Creator of all that exist besides Him. And besides Him, there is no other god or goddess. Period.
Neither does the Roman empire/civilization nor the Greek empire/civilization nor their pantheon of several gods and goddesses exist today. Visible lessons.
For more information on Eid and eid greetings, please visit:
http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/pillars/prayer/prescribed/pp2_32.html
Here is a surprise item: lots of folks are unaware of the concept of worship in Islam. Here it is (concise):
http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/tawheed/conceptofworship.html
Wassalaam (peace). And ….
Allaahu akbar. Taqabbalallaahu minna wa minkum - to all of you.
. . . .
March 20, 2008
Perfect Timing Doesn’t Exist. Stop Waiting For It
Perfect Timing Doesn’t Exist. Stop Waiting For It
http://www.lifereboot.com/2007/perfect-timing-doesnt-exist-stop-waiting-for-it/
July 19th, 2007 by Shaun Boyd
It bothers me when I hear people describe a personal set of conditions that need to be met before they can make the next move in their life.
Most often, they’re just making excuses — creating obstacles that aren’t actually there, placing the blame on some outside force they can’t control, and choosing to let day after day of inaction turn into many years of waiting for their cosmos to align.
In other words, they stay where they’re comfortable until it’s the perfect time to move on.
“Once I find a better job, then I’ll leave this one.”“Once I save enough money, then I’ll stop living at my parents’ place.”“Once I’m out of this stressful period of my life, then I’ll quit smoking.”
What’s even worse are the people who connect their obstacles in a way that makes their current situation circular, like a trap they will never escape: “I can’t pursue my dream career unless I leave my job, but I can’t pay the bills unless I stay at my job.”
Then there’s also the people who have a thousand complaints about their life. They typically don’t even explain any connections between their obstacles, they just rant about anything that’s causing them stress, but do nothing to correct any of it. They’re so overwhelmed they don’t even know where to begin, and their easiest option is to give up.
If any of this sounds familiar, then my advice to you is this: Stop waiting for that “perfect time” to make your next move. Perfect timing doesn’t exist. It’s fictional. You’ll wait forever for it.
There will never be a perfect time to leave your job, move out of state, and start from scratch. Similarly, there will never be a perfect time to get married, have a baby, or have another baby. That’s because no matter when you make these choices, they will involve risk — and it’s the risk involved that makes choices like these easier to put off until another day.
What you often fail to realize is you’re not just waiting, you’re stagnating . You stop growing, hinder your advancement, and basically become dull as a result of your choice to keep life on pause.
If your current job is holding you back, then you should quit.
Seriously. You can quit your dead-end job today. Just walk straight up to your boss and say “I quit.” Leave and don’t come back. The place won’t crumble without you. They’ll find a replacement and be just fine.
Then hop in your car and drive across the country just to see that you can. Just for fun. Just to help you remember that you have a choice.
No car? Hitchhike.
Not your thing? Walk.
I’m sure you see my point: You have more freedom than you realize.
So if you want to create change in your life, then stop waiting. Let go of perfection and act. Once you have, you’ll only regret you didn’t start doing it sooner.
___
http://www.lifereboot.com/2007/perfect-timing-doesnt-exist-stop-waiting-for-it/
July 19th, 2007 by Shaun Boyd
It bothers me when I hear people describe a personal set of conditions that need to be met before they can make the next move in their life.
Most often, they’re just making excuses — creating obstacles that aren’t actually there, placing the blame on some outside force they can’t control, and choosing to let day after day of inaction turn into many years of waiting for their cosmos to align.
In other words, they stay where they’re comfortable until it’s the perfect time to move on.
“Once I find a better job, then I’ll leave this one.”“Once I save enough money, then I’ll stop living at my parents’ place.”“Once I’m out of this stressful period of my life, then I’ll quit smoking.”
What’s even worse are the people who connect their obstacles in a way that makes their current situation circular, like a trap they will never escape: “I can’t pursue my dream career unless I leave my job, but I can’t pay the bills unless I stay at my job.”
Then there’s also the people who have a thousand complaints about their life. They typically don’t even explain any connections between their obstacles, they just rant about anything that’s causing them stress, but do nothing to correct any of it. They’re so overwhelmed they don’t even know where to begin, and their easiest option is to give up.
If any of this sounds familiar, then my advice to you is this: Stop waiting for that “perfect time” to make your next move. Perfect timing doesn’t exist. It’s fictional. You’ll wait forever for it.
There will never be a perfect time to leave your job, move out of state, and start from scratch. Similarly, there will never be a perfect time to get married, have a baby, or have another baby. That’s because no matter when you make these choices, they will involve risk — and it’s the risk involved that makes choices like these easier to put off until another day.
What you often fail to realize is you’re not just waiting, you’re stagnating . You stop growing, hinder your advancement, and basically become dull as a result of your choice to keep life on pause.
If your current job is holding you back, then you should quit.
Seriously. You can quit your dead-end job today. Just walk straight up to your boss and say “I quit.” Leave and don’t come back. The place won’t crumble without you. They’ll find a replacement and be just fine.
Then hop in your car and drive across the country just to see that you can. Just for fun. Just to help you remember that you have a choice.
No car? Hitchhike.
Not your thing? Walk.
I’m sure you see my point: You have more freedom than you realize.
So if you want to create change in your life, then stop waiting. Let go of perfection and act. Once you have, you’ll only regret you didn’t start doing it sooner.
___
The Myth of “Someday”
The Myth of “Someday”
http://www.lifereboot.com/2007/the-myth-of-someday/
September 17th, 2007 by Shaun Boyd
I used to play a game with a friend of mine. It was like word association, but instead of taking turns saying the first word that came to mind, we’d take turns telling one another our wishes.
We ended each turn with the word “someday.” We used it like people with two-way radios use the word “over” — to indicate whose turn it was to speak. A typical conversation resulting from our game went something like this:
I want to travel the world someday.I want to backpack across the United States someday.I want to go to Hawaii someday.I want to go surfing someday.I want to learn to sail someday.
and it continued in that manner, always in the form of: "I want to (do something) someday."
My friend and I agree that although this game helped us learn about one another’s aspirations in life, it did not help us actually accomplish them. The problem was clear: “Someday” is too ambiguous. It’s not a goal, a deadline, or an estimation — it’s an unspecified time in the future so indefinite that it’s borderline fantasy. As a result, it tends to promote inaction rather than action.
Telling yourself that you want to do something someday doesn’t accomplish much — yet it’s human nature to think this way. People commonly proclaim “I want to get married someday,” or “I want to be rich someday.”
They have good reason for being so unspecific: It’s comforting to make goals that lack a due date. There’s no pressure to get it done immediately because there’s always tomorrow. In other words:
There’s always the rest of your life for your perfect “Someday” to arrive. Unfortunately, that’s the myth.
The truth is, you won’t experience that “Someday” you’re looking forward to unless you take action today. When you convince yourself that you have the rest of your life to do something, you’ll experience day after day of inaction until you’ve lost your chance to actually do it.
I learned this through a close friend of mine who, tragically, learned it the hard way:
His mother went to the hospital for routine surgery. She died. She was among the few “one in a million” cases where the patient doesn’t wake up from the anesthetic.
Suddenly, all of the plans that my friend hoped to do with his mom “Someday” could no longer be done. She was gone, and she took all the future opportunities with her. There was no time left to learn how to make her deviled eggs. There was no time left to make a cookbook. There was no time left to even say goodbye.
That’s why you can’t make plans for someday. One of my favorite authors writes how “folks who have one foot in the future and the other in the past and spend their time pissin all over today because of it.” (Stephen King, from Four Past Midnight) — I agree wholeheartedly.
If you find yourself saying “I wish I had (done something differently),” the thing to do is let it go. Don’t live in your past .
http://www.lifereboot.com/2007/dont-live-in-your-past/
If you find yourself saying “I want to (do something) someday,” the thing to do is change your outlook. Don’t live in your future .
http://www.lifereboot.com/2007/dont-live-in-your-future/
Remember, “Someday” is a myth — all you have is the present. Live in it .
http://www.lifereboot.com/2007/learn-to-live-in-the-present-so-you-dont-miss-out-on-life/
____
March 16, 2008
DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR, & LIE
DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR, & LIE
The four rules of success!
Rick Metzger, a professional speaker, encourages his participants to:
Drink - from the fountain of happiness
Steal - a little time to do an act of kindness
Swear - to live your life to the fullest, and
Lie - down each night and thank God for our freedoms and the opportunity to follow our dreams.
___
googlec9387eef00f0db14.html
googlec9387eef00f0db14.html
1. I've created a file named googlec9387eef00f0db14.html
2. I've uploaded the file to http://latest-newjoy.blogspot.com/
and can view
http://latest-newjoy.blogspot.com/googlec9387eef00f0db14.html
in my browser.
1. I've created a file named googlec9387eef00f0db14.html
2. I've uploaded the file to http://latest-newjoy.blogspot.com/
and can view
http://latest-newjoy.blogspot.com/googlec9387eef00f0db14.html
in my browser.
The HR Value Proposition
The Dave Ulrich and Wayne Brockbank landmark book, ‘The HR Value Proposition’, has set the HR agenda for the next decade – it’s the blueprint for the future of HR.
Mapping the HR Value Proposition makes visible and credible this blueprint; and it makes others sit up and take notice of the profound contribution of HR to business performance in the new economy.
In their must-read book ‘The HR Value Proposition’, Professors Dave Ulrich and Wayne Brockbank outline a practical approach for HR professionals to add business value. They state "HR professionals add value when their work helps someone reach their goals. It is not the design of a program or declaration of policy that matters most, but what recipients gain from these actions. In a world of increasingly scarce resources, activities that fail to add value are not worth pursuing…The HR value proposition means that HR practices, departments, and professionals produce positive outcomes for key stakeholders – employees, line managers, customers, and investors."
Ulrich and Brockbank point out that if HR professionals want to hold onto their jobs and increase their influence, they must focus less on what they do – their processes and systems – and more on the value they can deliver to the business. They must ensure they have a direct line of sight with their key stakeholders.
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Mapping the HR Value Proposition makes visible and credible this blueprint; and it makes others sit up and take notice of the profound contribution of HR to business performance in the new economy.
In their must-read book ‘The HR Value Proposition’, Professors Dave Ulrich and Wayne Brockbank outline a practical approach for HR professionals to add business value. They state "HR professionals add value when their work helps someone reach their goals. It is not the design of a program or declaration of policy that matters most, but what recipients gain from these actions. In a world of increasingly scarce resources, activities that fail to add value are not worth pursuing…The HR value proposition means that HR practices, departments, and professionals produce positive outcomes for key stakeholders – employees, line managers, customers, and investors."
Ulrich and Brockbank point out that if HR professionals want to hold onto their jobs and increase their influence, they must focus less on what they do – their processes and systems – and more on the value they can deliver to the business. They must ensure they have a direct line of sight with their key stakeholders.
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The Case of the Bonsai Manager
The Case of the Bonsai Manager
- Lessons from Nature in Growing
288 Pages - Hardcover
R. Gopalakrishnan
No one sets out to become a bonsai manager, just as no plant is created by Nature to be a bonsai. Managers’ growth can be stunted by their own acts of omission and commission — instead, they should branch out in new directions drawing on their innate genius.
Where two circles — Nature and Management — intersect, intuitive leadership is born.
In his book 'The Case of the Bonsai Manager', R. Gopalakrishnan illustrates this by drawing management lessons from endearing stories about the animal kingdom. Drawing on his rich management career spanning forty years, initially with Unilever and more recently with the Tata Group, the author stresses that after all the analysis is done, it is gut instinct that should take over, as intuition will be a key differentiator for excellence in the future, more than in the past.
The book dissects human nature and the complexity of employee behaviour within organizations. It nudges managers towards an agenda for change, for future managers will face vastly different challenges as the world around them gets dramatically transformed. The top-down approach will not work, but an inclusive and humane style of management will.
Using anecdotes about a vast array of living creatures, and his own experiences in the world of business, the author urges managers towards letting their gut instinct speak when faced with difficult decisions.
Why, when imported into China from Thailand, did crocodiles lose their sex drive? What was the purpose behind the Arab bonding with his falcon all day long? How do squirrel gangs scare off snakes? Why are grizzly bear cubs trained for two years to hook salmon?
There is a management lesson in each endearing story from the animal kingdom. This book gives an idea of the basic characteristics of human nature, the complexities of employee behaviour within organizations and how an agenda for change can be charted out. This is essential because future managers will face vastly different challenges as the world around them changes dramatically. In this world, the inclusive, intuitive and humane style of management will work, not the top-down approach — and here is an author uniquely placed to tell us how.
R Gopalakrishnan
R Gopalakrishnan is executive director of Tata Sons, chairman of Rallis India and Advinus Therapeutics, and vice chairman of Tata Chemicals. He is a director of several Tata Group companies such as Tata Motors, Tata Power and Tata Teleservices.
A key member of the Tata Group Corporate Centre (GCC), Gopalakrishnan plays a vital role in providing direction and impetus to the Group's forays into potentially viable areas of the new economy.
Gopalakrishnan joined Hindustan Lever (HLL) (now Hindustan Unilever Limited) as a management trainee in 1967. In 1987, he joined HLL's management committee as executive director of exports. In 1991, he was appointed chairman of Unilever Arabia, based in Jeddah, to establish and manage Unilever's consumer products business in Arab countries. On his return to India in 1995, he was appointed managing director of Brooke Bond Lipton. After the company's merger with HLL, he was designated vice chairman of Hindustan Lever. After 31 years with HLL, Gopalakrishnan joined Tata Sons in September, 1998 as executive director.
A graduate in physics from Calcutta University, Gopalakrishnan also has a degree in engineering from the Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur. He has been president of the All India Management Association, and is involved with education through his board memberships of a school and two management colleges.
Where two circles — Nature and Management — intersect, intuitive leadership is born.
In his book 'The Case of the Bonsai Manager', R. Gopalakrishnan illustrates this by drawing management lessons from endearing stories about the animal kingdom. Drawing on his rich management career spanning forty years, initially with Unilever and more recently with the Tata Group, the author stresses that after all the analysis is done, it is gut instinct that should take over, as intuition will be a key differentiator for excellence in the future, more than in the past.
The book dissects human nature and the complexity of employee behaviour within organizations. It nudges managers towards an agenda for change, for future managers will face vastly different challenges as the world around them gets dramatically transformed. The top-down approach will not work, but an inclusive and humane style of management will.
Using anecdotes about a vast array of living creatures, and his own experiences in the world of business, the author urges managers towards letting their gut instinct speak when faced with difficult decisions.
Why, when imported into China from Thailand, did crocodiles lose their sex drive? What was the purpose behind the Arab bonding with his falcon all day long? How do squirrel gangs scare off snakes? Why are grizzly bear cubs trained for two years to hook salmon?
There is a management lesson in each endearing story from the animal kingdom. This book gives an idea of the basic characteristics of human nature, the complexities of employee behaviour within organizations and how an agenda for change can be charted out. This is essential because future managers will face vastly different challenges as the world around them changes dramatically. In this world, the inclusive, intuitive and humane style of management will work, not the top-down approach — and here is an author uniquely placed to tell us how.
R Gopalakrishnan
R Gopalakrishnan is executive director of Tata Sons, chairman of Rallis India and Advinus Therapeutics, and vice chairman of Tata Chemicals. He is a director of several Tata Group companies such as Tata Motors, Tata Power and Tata Teleservices.
A key member of the Tata Group Corporate Centre (GCC), Gopalakrishnan plays a vital role in providing direction and impetus to the Group's forays into potentially viable areas of the new economy.
Gopalakrishnan joined Hindustan Lever (HLL) (now Hindustan Unilever Limited) as a management trainee in 1967. In 1987, he joined HLL's management committee as executive director of exports. In 1991, he was appointed chairman of Unilever Arabia, based in Jeddah, to establish and manage Unilever's consumer products business in Arab countries. On his return to India in 1995, he was appointed managing director of Brooke Bond Lipton. After the company's merger with HLL, he was designated vice chairman of Hindustan Lever. After 31 years with HLL, Gopalakrishnan joined Tata Sons in September, 1998 as executive director.
A graduate in physics from Calcutta University, Gopalakrishnan also has a degree in engineering from the Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur. He has been president of the All India Management Association, and is involved with education through his board memberships of a school and two management colleges.
His recently published book, The Case of the Bonsai Manager: Lessons from Nature on Growing (Penguin India, 2007) is about nature, management and intuitive leadership.
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March 15, 2008
Euphemisms for Death
Cemetery Euphemism
Today's (December 7, 2006) The Wizard of Id comic shows a funeral director replacing the entrance sign to the "Cemetery" with one that reads "Expired Human Resources."
Are you tired of using the depressing terms such as "dead" and "death"?
Today's (December 7, 2006) The Wizard of Id comic shows a funeral director replacing the entrance sign to the "Cemetery" with one that reads "Expired Human Resources."
Are you tired of using the depressing terms such as "dead" and "death"?
Perhaps a good euphemism is what you need such as, "cease to function as a carbon-based biological unit" or "metabolically challenged."
The Dead and Buried website has a list of over 200 euphemisms from which to choose.
http://phrontistery.50megs.com/longpig/dead.html
A millionaire informs his attorney, "I want a stipulation in my Will that my [spouse] is to inherit everything, but only if [my spouse] remarries within six months of my death."
"Why such an odd stipulation?" asked the attorney.
"Because I want someone to be sorry I died!" came the reply.
The Dead and Buried website has a list of over 200 euphemisms from which to choose.
http://phrontistery.50megs.com/longpig/dead.html
A millionaire informs his attorney, "I want a stipulation in my Will that my [spouse] is to inherit everything, but only if [my spouse] remarries within six months of my death."
"Why such an odd stipulation?" asked the attorney.
"Because I want someone to be sorry I died!" came the reply.
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